h to the O V

hey andrea i miss you

dark

someone turnedoffthelights



hold your breath
bottle it up and save it for the next one
its safe to say we've been writtin' this all night

cleeever

so i already got bored with my other layout...
just wasnt enough.
haha so its paris time. you all know i had to go do a paris layout SOMEtime!

i'm not the type to wear my heart on my sleeve
but your here asking and waiting for something unseen
i just cant go do what you want me to do
and for that we frustrate over nothing
nothing relevent
nothing worth it
i feel like i could go blow a nerve
with the nonsense of everyday getting in my way
let me go sleeveless
i prefer it that way
being cold but free

and i know?

its alright its sooner or later

ambition, ambition's a tricky thing
it's like riding a unicycle on a dental floss tightrope

over a wilderness of razor blades
ambition can backfire

ambition means more

ambition means faster

ambition means better

and fell to the floor

and fell to the floor

this key is to your kingdom
this key is to your heart
neither one is a doorway
but both of them a part
so one foot in front of the other

chrissy

R.I.P Chris

city kids

city kids

there's a brilliant sky above

and a jealous moon in love

and they're starved for our attention

today i became more of a man.

The Accident

once upon a time there was a boy named jaydee. he thought he knew how to drive a motorized vehicle, but really, he didnt. it was a dark, snowy night, and cole was up in B town. B town tends to get alot of snow, being up north and all, so a night full of thick snowflakes was normal. they go on a nice midnight drive, jaydee in the drivers seat of coles very rad lookin car. comin back from the bar, jaydee is racin a little too fast for the weather, and BAM. cole is out the windshield! front right tire is leakin air like crazy. coles rad car is all over livingstone! jaydee freaks out over the safety of cole.
nevermind the uninsured vehicle he was driving.
and the poor old curb he hit so fast.

paris

(her name is paris)

how to be dead

how to be dead

[...there is a line that we cant cross. its called the inbetween. and my favourite thing to do is lie on my stomach, my face right at the inbetween, and watch. its the closest view you can get here, from my heaven...]

"When the dead are done with the living, the living can go on to other things." "What about the dead? Where do we go?" She wouldn't answer me.

Dr. Jekyll is wrestling Hyde, for my pride...

what a beautiful thing

it burns a whole through everyone that feels it

i really cant go on sometimes
i feel like i am sitting
in an old and dirty chair all by myself.
in the center of the room
i can see everything around me
but i am gone, i am not there, i do not care.
about the things i have to do
for my life every single day
i am quite sick of this, and that, and you.

angel by your hospital bed

(...)

it's testing the strong ones
it's scarring the beautiful ones
it's holding the loved ones one last time

holy bible?

i marvel at the stars and feel my heart overflow

(the sex...)
look at some pictures?

just drown me, it is my biggest fear.

disappointment baby

It's okay to be my disappointment baby

this past sunday i watched the notebook. seriously love that movie i dont CARE how cheesy that sounds! i also hardly slept at alll and am very tired yet i dont let myself go to sleep. i am turning seventeen next saterday and that is pretty exciting. it kind of sounds a little older than stupid ol' sixteen eh? haha... last nite we went to jack astors and my mom came late, so while she wasnt there we told the waitress it was her birthday. it really wasnt, but hey it was hilarious and we got free ice cream. its a seriously fun thing to do, DO IT SOMETIME! and to the one who understands: ana is pregnant with a LOT of babies...

theres nothing you can do to make a difference
because theres nothing i can do to even understand
i'm like an ocean whose tide has gone down so low
that i'm striving to keep myself moist enough to go on
but still drowning away in my own self affliction
and trying to find reason
but i'm numb and expressionless
and cant even make myself laugh for the hell of it
the least i can do is wake up in the morning
and make myself pretty to impress no one at all
walk down the halls with no look on my face
but a cold stare forward in no apperent direction
its the pain that keeps me going
the pain of nothing at all
i hate how my own life to me is answerless
arent i supposed to be the one knowing
what i got going on?



( i'm just a boat on the ocean, and i'm just a ship lost at sea. )

the fAmine

just a little bit

last night i went to the thirty hour famine, without famining. i guess i just went for the fun! haha and funnn times it was! johns band played, as did caspian and mark, and randy, and madison avenue. i got tons of wicked awesome pictures that i wish i could share, but of course i'm too lazy to post all two hundred and something of them, so i picked the highlights. check em out.
i stayed up till really late in the... morning. and then ended up sleeping until three thirty this afternoon. so right now its seven and i feel like i should be... eating lunch or something? the days just starting for me. and i think i'll be haulin ass in the minivan tonite. woot! hahah.
i really want the two new bright eyes cds. i have to hear them. but i doubt that i could get them anywhere here like HMV cuz they suck at having bright eyes cds, and if they do they are sold for thirty bucks and its just too much for me right now, as i am poor.
so i've been trying to fade away. but i realize that even once i do fade away there will still be something there that you will be able to see. and thats not very fun cuz i dont want to be stuck here forever. but i have a feeling i will be... cuz i just cant help but do it. and i know that no one will understand this, but maybe that is why i am writing it.

because i've been practicing disappearing and i think that i've got it down.

your okay

july

there was a girl who was walking down main street
it was dark out
she was lost
her hands were in her pockets
freezing
as if it was the middle of winter
in canada.
but it was the first of july as she walked down main street
it was busy
she was lost
looking for anybody to walk with
frantically
as if she was supposed to be with
someone.
the dark sky lit up as the fireworks began
she stopped walking
looked up
forgetting all about being alone
peacefully
as if shes never seen fireworks before
tonight.
and she stood there on main street for hours it seemed
just staring
at the sky
thinking of the past year through her
head
as if she was living it all over
again.
when the show in the sky was over she walked again down main street
it was dark out
she was alone
but she was no longer lost
smiling
as if it was the first of july like
last year.

and time's not poison but once you drink it all you'll die. so let's just sip it real slow, yeah, we can nurse it all night.

ugh

[now everything is different, and everyone around you, needs to know that you're okay.]

after all

you hide behind your insecurities

standing in the middle like i've lost all my attention. there are people, all around me, and i do not hear their sound. all i hear is the voices from the mic and through the thumping speakers. screaming words of severed memories and how i made you feel. i stood there staring at the ground, it was a tiled floor. usually cold, but tonite warm from the pairs of pounding feet. and the beating of the bass kept up with the beating of my head. it ached for every verse about your bitter broken heart and it took all of me to stand my ground, choke my tears, and not walk away. it was only a matter of time till i heard nothing at all. no shrieks of young attraction and no brilliant back up lines. the echoes slowly grew silent as if i was lying underground. but still i stood there in the middle with a blank look on my face staring anywhere, anywhere to get me out of this place. as every song played on i picked out lines i knew were yours. and the lyrics pressed against my chest onto the wall of dirty words. and to tell you the truth i felt used, and known, and trapped inside a mess. every glance towards you i noticed your eyes closed... you closed your eyes as you sang on stage while i tried so hard not to look at you. it was then i walked away from that place where i liked to stand, and forgot all about what i was feeling. to not be remembered ever again.

im not a soldier and i'm not a king, but i can play a mean guitar. and you can talk to me about almost anything, without worrying...

i dont mean you

i like to think i'm something i'm not

you could have
i would have
i'm really not understanding...

the kitchen is cold but the coffee is warm. and the suns coming up, the day has just begun. and your already bored... bored of cheering me up, bored of calming me down, bored of drying my eyes. but there once was a time when you were the one. you were the blue of the sky, you came after the storm. you were the switch on the wall in the dark of the hall, im still fumbling for. cuz im lost in the black i dont know where I am. arms strecthed out in front im calling your name. just as loud as I can... I know theres words that we will never speak and the questions cant be answered easily, but I wanted to be easy so, nod your head if the plans have changed. shake it, love, if they stayed the same. smile at me and I will stay, start to cry and I'll go away. just please dont leave me guessing.
-conor

me and the moon, she said

cross my heart and hope to...

so for now i'm the last that i want to speak of
please just block it, block me, from your ever changing mind
i dont want what i want...
disappoint me, fail me,
tell me something i dont want to hear.
make, me suffer.


so reckless, so thoughtless, so careless, i could care less.