top ten
21
i'm counting all the photos of you hanging from my mirrors and walls. i keep losing track of the number i am at because there are so many. my mind gets lost half way through... cuz the pictures i count bring back every single memory i dont want to remember. all i have to do is take them down but i'm scared. i have nothing to replace them with... you call this getting it over with? as if i spent a year and a half on my toes for you. just waiting for you to let me down. well you did. you let me down well. you make me want to die my hair black and wear ripped up jeans. cut my wrist and hide it with the watch you gave me last May. this is my letting go. my getting over with. spending all night putting these picturse in a box, marked with your name in red pen and taped up for my sake. i know now that you will always be fake. but have the ability to take my heart away. stay where you are i dont ned your black heart. stay where you are i dont need your black heart. stay where you are i dont need your black heart. there were 21 photos in that taped up box. and i'm 21 steps closer to you being gone for good.
call 911, i'm already dead but someone should be caught and held responsible.
10.28.2004
danielle.
top ten.
danielle is a cutie.
as you can see.
she fucking fell off the tree!
we are in love.
picture with slide #1. it all worked out...
picture with slide #2. not so much! she fell again. hahaha i pissed myself.
me on the bridge. if you look closely you can see a curse word. tee hee.
we're so damn hot!!!!!
i'm sure none of you care about these... but I DO.
danielle is a cutie.
as you can see.
she fucking fell off the tree!
we are in love.
picture with slide #1. it all worked out...
picture with slide #2. not so much! she fell again. hahaha i pissed myself.
me on the bridge. if you look closely you can see a curse word. tee hee.
we're so damn hot!!!!!
i'm sure none of you care about these... but I DO.
10.27.2004
this is serious. money.
top ten
tori had the song "money" in her head by Pink Floyd.
i had the line from Thursdays song "this is serious".
we couldnt get them out!!! so we drew.
tori had the song "money" in her head by Pink Floyd.
i had the line from Thursdays song "this is serious".
we couldnt get them out!!! so we drew.
10.26.2004
hey now.
top ten
when i saw that look in her face that morning
all i could think of was how could she take all that pain?
with her eyes to the sky she cried out to no one.
to her nothing
that she believes in.
she believes it so much that she lives off the words in her leather bound book
she closes her eyes when the other kids talk about their heartache
to no one
everyone pretending to listen but they are merely just playing the game.
when i approach her frail body
screaming out to what seems like the sun
i ask, who are you calling to? how can this help you?
she pauses and puts her cold hands on my face
her red eyes piercing me with such passion for my ignorance
she stares for a few seconds as if to say something
so brilliant,
but just runs.
runs to her car and turns on the ignition
screaming down the dirt road to the bridge across the street,
and just does not stop.
the black car with the frantic girl heads straight into the murky water
of palm lake.
i stare in bewilderment as the car slowly sinks
taking her to her last resort
where she chose to spend her last minutes on earth.
i guess she couldnt get help from her skyward friend
and her pain she could not face.
turning away from all she once believed and and gave up in a split second.
i saw in the news that her life was just grand
rich parents, real talent, and a steady group of friends.
no one knows why she died, but me.
i heard her last words,
i saw her last tears,
screaming 'where are you God?'
in french.
when i saw that look in her face that morning
all i could think of was how could she take all that pain?
with her eyes to the sky she cried out to no one.
to her nothing
that she believes in.
she believes it so much that she lives off the words in her leather bound book
she closes her eyes when the other kids talk about their heartache
to no one
everyone pretending to listen but they are merely just playing the game.
when i approach her frail body
screaming out to what seems like the sun
i ask, who are you calling to? how can this help you?
she pauses and puts her cold hands on my face
her red eyes piercing me with such passion for my ignorance
she stares for a few seconds as if to say something
so brilliant,
but just runs.
runs to her car and turns on the ignition
screaming down the dirt road to the bridge across the street,
and just does not stop.
the black car with the frantic girl heads straight into the murky water
of palm lake.
i stare in bewilderment as the car slowly sinks
taking her to her last resort
where she chose to spend her last minutes on earth.
i guess she couldnt get help from her skyward friend
and her pain she could not face.
turning away from all she once believed and and gave up in a split second.
i saw in the news that her life was just grand
rich parents, real talent, and a steady group of friends.
no one knows why she died, but me.
i heard her last words,
i saw her last tears,
screaming 'where are you God?'
in french.
10.25.2004
fuck yeh
top ten
us!
my stomach...
us, by me.
me on the fucking typewriter!
i didnt post these on the photo site cuz theyre just like... random ones of us. nothing good just taking them while we're lying down... i really love the colors of them all... how nice.
haha ANYWAYS.
i cant wait to get started on my painting... i got the paints today.
this weekend was so good! holy i need to scan these pics of me and danielle! THEYRE SO HOT!! but the computer with a scanner broken! so we have to wait it out... haha
and i so cant wait for the fuckin movie days... its on. its a date.
I always believed in futures
a hope for better, in November
us!
my stomach...
us, by me.
me on the fucking typewriter!
i didnt post these on the photo site cuz theyre just like... random ones of us. nothing good just taking them while we're lying down... i really love the colors of them all... how nice.
haha ANYWAYS.
i cant wait to get started on my painting... i got the paints today.
this weekend was so good! holy i need to scan these pics of me and danielle! THEYRE SO HOT!! but the computer with a scanner broken! so we have to wait it out... haha
and i so cant wait for the fuckin movie days... its on. its a date.
I always believed in futures
a hope for better, in November
10.22.2004
oh baby
top ten
sometimes i wish i had an incurable sickness. so that i might meet someone famous, like Daniel Johns. or even to just have someone love me. its funny how much more you seem loved when your the one that's going to die before them.
i never made a scene.
sometimes i wish i had an incurable sickness. so that i might meet someone famous, like Daniel Johns. or even to just have someone love me. its funny how much more you seem loved when your the one that's going to die before them.
i never made a scene.
10.20.2004
like a promise kept, say yes
top ten
the corn fields are coming down
the sun is coming up, later and later every day
the windows are being shut
because it is just too cold to leave them open
now a days...
the jackets are being pulled out
of thousands of dusty closets
girls heads are being hidden by their hoods
cuz they dont want their hair to get wrecked from the rain
but i love the rain, gently misting my face
the red leaves falling on the wet grass
soaking my shoes
i walk around, camera in hand
thinking about life and how small i am
about death, and how many people die a day
and about how many things die a day
why dont we care about the ants?
seriously.
fuck.
the corn fields are coming down
the sun is coming up, later and later every day
the windows are being shut
because it is just too cold to leave them open
now a days...
the jackets are being pulled out
of thousands of dusty closets
girls heads are being hidden by their hoods
cuz they dont want their hair to get wrecked from the rain
but i love the rain, gently misting my face
the red leaves falling on the wet grass
soaking my shoes
i walk around, camera in hand
thinking about life and how small i am
about death, and how many people die a day
and about how many things die a day
why dont we care about the ants?
seriously.
fuck.
10.19.2004
prison
top ten top ten
i love driving in the car for more than an hour, with me singing every lyric, randy driving, and john sleeping in the back. driving beside the same truck driver along the whole highway, making eye contact every minute.
he was from british columbia.
we became frends.
mornings like that are so good.
ive flicked every switch that i could find on my way out just to upset you more.
just to make you angry. just because you were right.
i love driving in the car for more than an hour, with me singing every lyric, randy driving, and john sleeping in the back. driving beside the same truck driver along the whole highway, making eye contact every minute.
he was from british columbia.
we became frends.
mornings like that are so good.
ive flicked every switch that i could find on my way out just to upset you more.
just to make you angry. just because you were right.
10.18.2004
block class with tori
top ten
There's just a few things I think that you should know
Those words at best were worse than teenage poetry
Fragment ideas and too many pronouns.
There's just a few things I think that you should know
Those words at best were worse than teenage poetry
Fragment ideas and too many pronouns.
hotel paper
top ten
this weekend was great
saterday nite guys, FUNNEST EVER. never been so scared in my life. and i loved it.
this weekend was great
saterday nite guys, FUNNEST EVER. never been so scared in my life. and i loved it.
smoking is so unflattering on a girl. but i still sit in the most intruiging places with a cigarette in my lips and a pen in my hand. i stare at exhaled smoke twirl up into the trees and write down everything that comes to mind. when i'm done my third cig i re-read what i wrote and cant make out what anythings says. words blend into each other and letters arent finished.
but i love it.
it is my art when i am relaxed.
i will cherish it forever.
and show my children when they are old enough to understand.
and publish it in a book one day, titled "smoke".
i will make millions of cigarette poems and distribute millions to the world. maybe then, everyone will quit the habit.
10.14.2004
red
top ten
"...so when you look at my nails everyday painted red, dont frown at my lack of creativity. because creativeness is in the heart, and the mind of those who create it."
funnest weekend ev-er.
"...so when you look at my nails everyday painted red, dont frown at my lack of creativity. because creativeness is in the heart, and the mind of those who create it."
funnest weekend ev-er.
10.13.2004
10.12.2004
tbs
top ten
So please, please
i'm running out of sympathy
i never said i'd take this
i never said i'd take this lying down.
So please, please
i'm running out of sympathy
i never said i'd take this
i never said i'd take this lying down.
10.11.2004
words on the tip of my toungue
top ten
so we're driving down the street sitting straight up in the car because the bars of our dresses are digging right into our hips. i am looking out the window at the mother yelling to her children to do up their seatbelts, the young couple speeding because they are just not patient enough, the old man smoking his saterday morning cigarette, and the sad woman walking because she cannot afford a car. i am looking at these people in total different worlds than me, and each other. i am driving to the church for one on the most special days in my life, and they dont even know it. to me october ninth is so colorful and full of smiles, happy tears and tons of pictures. to them they are picking children up from sleepovers, sleeping in because they have nothing to get up for. dont you find that wierd? i find that wierd. how today, you are having the most dreadfully boring day, but to someone else its a day in their books. think about that...
"careful, the beverage you are about to enjoy is exteremely hot."
so we're driving down the street sitting straight up in the car because the bars of our dresses are digging right into our hips. i am looking out the window at the mother yelling to her children to do up their seatbelts, the young couple speeding because they are just not patient enough, the old man smoking his saterday morning cigarette, and the sad woman walking because she cannot afford a car. i am looking at these people in total different worlds than me, and each other. i am driving to the church for one on the most special days in my life, and they dont even know it. to me october ninth is so colorful and full of smiles, happy tears and tons of pictures. to them they are picking children up from sleepovers, sleeping in because they have nothing to get up for. dont you find that wierd? i find that wierd. how today, you are having the most dreadfully boring day, but to someone else its a day in their books. think about that...
"careful, the beverage you are about to enjoy is exteremely hot."
i love you like the first of july.
dont leave me hangin'
dont leave me hangin'
wow this weekend was the best. saterday was the funnest day/night ever.
too much to type, lets just say i had a blast dancing.. yes... me, dancing, in a dress..
and you'll all hear about it from me anyways so...
yah
i took pictures with my flash wich i have never used before soooo
we'll see how that works out
if they suck i'll just post some of my dads for ya.
anyways...
happy thanksgiving?
i will see you all on tuesday.......... well, those of you at tee dee.
"i wonder if God gets bored"
wow this weekend was the best. saterday was the funnest day/night ever.
too much to type, lets just say i had a blast dancing.. yes... me, dancing, in a dress..
and you'll all hear about it from me anyways so...
yah
i took pictures with my flash wich i have never used before soooo
we'll see how that works out
if they suck i'll just post some of my dads for ya.
anyways...
happy thanksgiving?
i will see you all on tuesday.......... well, those of you at tee dee.
"i wonder if God gets bored"
10.09.2004
10.07.2004
this is me
this is me
writing a boring post about the week.
we are doing a refugee conference.
and yes it IS boring ahha.
but i'm with steph! its awesome!
you guys know the picture from national geographic? of that beautiful refugee girl?
well here it is if you dont.
well me and steph took that into photoshop and made it into a cut out affect, basically an effect that makes it easier to paint. and then we made a beautful painting. how exciting.
and this weekend is the wedding!
oh wow.
anyways. i have tons of writing i could put on here but have decided against it for now.
i want to make my little black book first.
and those who will never be able to hold that book in their hands
[i.e. people who i never see...] i will post some for them on here once its done.
but its quite hard to do when the brother is on the computer with my writing saved on whenever i get a chance to work on it.
anyhow
i am going to go now...
i love you all
writing a boring post about the week.
we are doing a refugee conference.
and yes it IS boring ahha.
but i'm with steph! its awesome!
you guys know the picture from national geographic? of that beautiful refugee girl?
well here it is if you dont.
well me and steph took that into photoshop and made it into a cut out affect, basically an effect that makes it easier to paint. and then we made a beautful painting. how exciting.
and this weekend is the wedding!
oh wow.
anyways. i have tons of writing i could put on here but have decided against it for now.
i want to make my little black book first.
and those who will never be able to hold that book in their hands
[i.e. people who i never see...] i will post some for them on here once its done.
but its quite hard to do when the brother is on the computer with my writing saved on whenever i get a chance to work on it.
anyhow
i am going to go now...
i love you all
10.06.2004
10.05.2004
10.03.2004
oh.my.god.
i am writing because it's late, and it's cool to write late at night. because then it shows the late hours i am up, thinking about butterflies and buttercups.
and then some...
i still have not had contact since that night of stolen words,
and stolen thoughts
and stolen everything.
we were stolen from ourselves and i cannot understand
how a thing like this could have happend.
the book is closed because i have not written in forever,
i am scared that i might go to far and think to much and see the one thing i am so afraid to see.
if i could just have one more convorsation i could get this over with...
but i just dont know how to deal ,
cuz i just dont know what i'm dealing with.
lets just say i am out of my mind and my fingers have wondered to these god forsaken keys
and call it a night.
visit www.enjaephoto.blogspot.com everday.
and then some...
i still have not had contact since that night of stolen words,
and stolen thoughts
and stolen everything.
we were stolen from ourselves and i cannot understand
how a thing like this could have happend.
the book is closed because i have not written in forever,
i am scared that i might go to far and think to much and see the one thing i am so afraid to see.
if i could just have one more convorsation i could get this over with...
but i just dont know how to deal ,
cuz i just dont know what i'm dealing with.
lets just say i am out of my mind and my fingers have wondered to these god forsaken keys
and call it a night.
visit www.enjaephoto.blogspot.com everday.
10.02.2004
n/a
it made me question
i miss his eyes
and his smile
and his smile
but why?
no one will ever understand this.
what is wrong with me...?
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