dying

who's gonna watch me die?

i just burnt my tongue on tea. it's two thirty eight in the morning and i am burning my tongue on tea. for two days straight i have watched the full first season of House on dvd. i don't know if it has made me miserable or happy, but i AM addicted to that show regardless. on the way to work i heard the song Sarah Says by Death Cab and i forgot about how fucking awesome it is. me and the song had a moment. but then i thought about the fact that every episode in House deals with someone dying and i'm pretty much watching the hardest thing that could ever happen in someones life, over and over and over again. but it's on tv. but it actually happens. and the song is about watching someone die, and how love is watching someone die. and then i realized that i've never really had a close experience with someone dying. i've had people that i love around me die, but i've never watched someone die. and then i think about the line, love is watching someone die. well fuck, i never want to watch someone die. and fuck, i never want to watch someone that i love die.

listen to that song and have a moment with it like i did.

"it stung like a violent wind; that our memories depend on a faulty camera in our minds."

the eleventh tuesday

"in the beginning of life, when we are infants, we need others to survive, right?
and at the end of life, when you get like me, you need others to survive, right?"

his voice dropped to a whisper.
"but here's the secret: in between, we need others as well."

-tuesdays with morrie

so i've been so busy and when i'm not busy i feel rushed or i am reading, so that is why i have been posting so many excerpts from books lately! but i love them, and the books they came from. so read!
i didnt sleep at all last night and this morning i had to be ready real early to take care of my baby girl! we had a sweet time. there are more picture of her adorableness [here] :D
now that i am working full time and people will be going to school soon i plan on painting more and writing more and of course, trying to get as many photo opportunities as possible.

peace & love,
NICOLE!

ps; has anyone lost a poker chip?

velocity

"But the Jumping People left this message on the cliff above their village, carved it in for the conquistadors. This basically turned into the motto of the Jumping People, even though i don't think it makes all that much sense. I mean, it does and it doesn't. There was another American scholar who polished the words, i guess, a guy at the University of Chicago, so at least it sounds like something you'd carve on a cliff over a village under siege, so your invaders would see it after you've left."

"Give me the fucking message."

Hand took a breath and opened his palms, as if accepting the gift of rain. "YOU SHALL KNOW OUR VELOCITY!" he bellowed into the cold exhausted city.

-Eggers

hanging on

click on the picture?

i keep telling myself this is good, this is right, this is what it's supposed to be like. every night, i see the moon, and i watch it evolve; from sliver to full. and it shines on me, i bask in its rays. from the car from the grass from the parking lot. moontanning.

let's just live and keep on living, no more sleeping. lights lights lights lights keep them on. or keep them off but don't close your eyes. it's never fun to miss the sunrise. i'm going to whisper a secret into a baggie and give it to you, sealed shut. don't tell anyone!

"I've got a heartache
Don't wanna think about it"

merrrcy

EIGHT

in the eyes of men he falls, and in his own eyes too. he falls from his high place, he trips on his achievement. he falls to you, he falls to know you. it is sad, they say. see his disgrace, say the ones at his heel. but he falls radiantly toward the light to which he falls. they cannot see who lifts him as he falls, or how his falling changes, and he himself bewildered till his heart cries out to bless the one who holds him in his falling. and in his fall he hears his heart cry out, his heart explains why he is falling, why he had to fall, and he gives over to the fall. blessed are you, clasp of the falling. he falls into the sky, he falls into the light, none can hurt him as he falls. blessed are you, shield of the falling. wrapped in his fall, concealed within his fall, he finds the place, he is gathered in. while his hair streams back, and his clothes tear in the wind, he is held up, comforted, he enters into the place of his fall. blessed are you, embrace of the falling, foundation of the light, master of the human accident.


-Book of Mercy, Leonard Cohen


everyone needs to read this book!
let me know if you want to borrow it. :)

..., i get bored.