scar

[skahr]
-noun
1. a mark left by a healed wound, sore, or burn.
2. a lasting aftereffect of trouble, esp. a lasting psychological injury resulting from suffering or trauma.
3. any blemish remaining as a trace of or resulting from injury or use.
4. botany. a mark indicating a former point of attachment, as where a leaf has fallen from a stem.

i cant write no poem right
now
all i see is a blur
and a
light
shooting form the screen in front
and i dont even know what to
say
but i know i have to say
something
but thi sisnt gonna rhyme
and it sure
aint gononna
make no sense
but i know
i gotta do it
just to know
i tried?????

ugh

i don't quite know
how to say
how i feel
those three words
are said too much
they're not enough
if i lay here
if i just lay here
would you lie with me
and just forget the world?


snowpatrol.

hot water

i get up & sit in
the empty bathtub
the dry white acrylic feels cold &
hard on my bones
the pressure points
tailbone spine elbows
the heels of my feet
all in contact

i turn on the tap &
as i do i think of
you
your body
as the hot water
creeps down the borders towards me

it's sparks of heat
slowly outlining the
frame of my bare legs
i feel it
filling in the empty spaces
i'm surrounded
it's hot
& soon i bend my knees
& sink down
into you
until i am completely
submerged
all goes quiet
all goes still

it is the best comfort i know

the only thing i could do was fall.

i really wasn't breathing easy.

i actually felt pain,

physical

pain,

in my chest.

and i sat there

with my head down on my desk,

and the second i closed my eyes i saw it all.

all of it;

the room, the sheets, the books, the empty cups,

the ashtrays.

the rays of light,

coming in on a slant through the window

exposing the dust in the air,

exposing me.

my chest wont stop pounding,

i've been walking around all night

with shaking feet.

i've never been this lost,

i've never fallen this far,

for you my skin is see-through.

haha, yep.

feelin' the burn...

... it's been a while.

i dont have to update my blog anymore cause now... well now i just talk to you instead.

i

can't express how i feel either.

and i cry...

i feel like there is this mountain and it is sitting right in front of me and no matter where i turn it seems to follow my horizon and the mountain is fucking huge i'm talking millions of kilometers high and wide and it has been in front of me as long as i can remember but i have never thought of climbing it before and it's like now i think of climbing the damn thing to see what's on the other side and the second i decide to clamber myself up this mound of rock and dirt it's like it knows me and what i am thinking so it starts to shake and shake until i fall and it never lets me climb past two feet and all i want to fucking do is see what's on the other side of this godforsaken mountain and i could swear i see a speck of something at the very very very top and it looks like someone sitting there waiting and it kinda looks like you is it you?

how did you get there?

sometimes others say it best.

This is surrender
To a war-torn life I've lived.
Scars and stripes forever
In need of change I can't resist.


No need to hide anything anymore.
Can't return to who I was before.


I can finally breathe.
Suddenly alive.
I can finally move.
The world feels revived.


This long of a struggle
Finally opened up my eyes.
Revolution's not easy
With a Civil War on the inside.


No need to hide anything anymore.
Can't return to who I was before.


I can finally breathe.
Suddenly alive.
I can finally move.
'Cause I realize.


I can finally breathe.
Suddenly alive.
I can finally move.
The world feels revived.


I can finally breathe.
Suddenly alive.
I can finally move.
'Cause I realize.


I can finally breathe.
Suddenly alive.
I can finally move.
The world feels revived.


I can finally breathe.
Suddenly alive.
I can finally move.
The world feels revived.