this is how i feel

Could it be that everything goes 'round by chance? Or only one way that it was always meant to be...

why cant you get a job, at the restaurant across the street? where you will be closer to me every time you have a shift, the city is too far and you know it. i'll know your schedule so i can come visit you. i'll spend hours by the mirror fixing every strand of hair making sure you'll love it the second i walk in the doors. i'll sit in the back left section of the room, a table for two for smoking, but by myself. because you are working, instead of sitting with me. you take my order of expensive red wine, to match the deep color of the dress i am wearing. i'll pretend i'm so into the paper in front of me, and you'll act like you are just doing your job. you keep coming back to ask if my meal is ok, and everytime you look at me as if i'm a stranger. the answer's always the same 'yes just wonderful' i say, 'but can i please have some water?' your next trip to my table is empty handed, and we go through the same short convorsation, as if nothing is odd about what we are doing. it's like an affair, but not really... i light up a smoke that you give me with the check, would you hate me if i dont leave you a tip? you know that you'll get one the next time i see you, and you know i will be seeing you soon. i find myself planning out times we can have together, listening to music and falling in love with it more and more every time we hear it. and playing it on our guitars cuz that's what we fuckin love to do. so your tip will have to wait for next time, maybe then you will pay more attention to me during the week. and you'll proceed to serve women at tables, and i will go home to wipe off the makeup i had on for a few hours, only for you. only for you i will write poems in my book, only for you i will get it just right. only for you i will lock up my heart, only for you i will make sure its locked tight. and only for you i will slip into my bed, where i'll dream of the next time we can talk.


i'll show you mine, if you show me yours first. lets compare scars, i'll tell whos is worse.