bubba.

Don't let them see you cry
When the dam breaks down and the city is covered in water
Cause I believe we fly
When the moon takes shape and I dose off, on your shoulders

I trust that you see it too

So breathe while you're alive
Let the big band play as you tap leather with your fingers
And I tried to write in style
But the words just come and I write them as soon as I see them

And I trust that you write them too
And I trust that you love me too 


manchester orchestra.

hoppipolla

Smiling
Spinning round and round
Holding hands
The whole world a blur
But you are standing

Soaked
Completely drenched
No rubber boots
Running inside us
Want to erupt from a shell

The Wind
An outdoor smell of your hair
I breathe as hard as I can
with my nose

Jump into puddles
With no boots on
Completely drenched(Soaked)
With no boots on

And I get a nosebleed
But I always stand up

And I get a nosebleed
But I always stand up


sigor ros.

pretending i don't exist.

i love what i cannot have. it's mindblowing.

"If you can think of times in your life that you’ve treated people with extraordinary decency and love, and pure uninterested concern, just because they were valuable as human beings. The ability to do that with ourselves.  To treat ourselves the way we would treat a really good, precious friend. Or a tiny child of ours that we absolutely loved more than life itself.  And I think it’s probably possible to achieve that.  I think part of the job we’re here for is to learn how to do it.  I know that sounds a little pious."
-- David Foster Wallace

dear god,


why did you make me this way?


please get back to me asap.


with love,
nicole.

i stopped waiting for you hours ago, but i still can't seem to sleep. it was the first time you said her name, and it burned into my retinas like a branding. i can still see it when i close my eyes.

i cried for you for the first time last night;
sober, that is.
for you? because of you? because i'm without you?
all of the above.
it's starting to spread throughout my body from the heart,
it's almost like a pain but a good pain
and now it's in my hips,
shoulder blades,
collar bone.
a constant ache.
i have convinced myself that i know the sound of you breathing,
and i play it in my ear, on my pillow.
and i don't want to cry.
i don't want to cry for something that is all in my head.

sometimes i

create for

myself a

reason to.

on me

in me

coming out

of me.

it must end.

it must end before i run out of room

and i become completely unlovable.

just one big spot of blood

dried on the skin of your hands

that you wash off with soap

and watch go down the drain.

i have watched myself go down the drain

countless times.

it kind of just sunk in that i will not be seeing you and i am torn, by the razor's edge of reality. i am the world's rage erupting up like flames lighting burning everything i touch. you are the tall cool glass of water autumns cold breeze every element that has the power to put me out. cool me down. make me real again. what am i when i'm real? it is so late and i can hear an animal outside my window screaming to the moon.

i am waiting for my headache to go away
it's been around
for three days now

i am waiting for beer to get here
my throats been dry since last saturday night

i am waiting for that feeling that i get
in my tummy
when my lips touch someone else's for the first time

i am waiting for money
to appear in my pocket
so i can get away and
spend it on cigarettes and
more beer

i am waiting to be seen in a light that is not tainted
i am waiting to be invisible
and i am waiting to grow up
and i am waiting for the day where i can look at my ribcage
and not want to cut it up
and i am waiting for the day i can stop feeling so bad
so bad
i am waiting and waiting
to waste away

i am home alone in this strange house and i am waiting for someone to come home. and as i pace i pretend it's you, coming home, to me. and that this is our house. i sit down on the couch, put my feet up. stare at the door. i stand, pace, walk to the kitchen. sit down, stand up. look out the window. it is so hot. and i pace the bare halls in my underwear. i sit once more and try to be so still thinking it will cool me down but i feel a layer of sweat form in and around my body. slowly a drip falls, trickles down my arm, i close my eyes and it's your finger, tracing me down to my elbow. and now you're on my neck, and my thigh. i open my eyes and see that it's just sweat, and that this is not our house. and you will not be walking through the front door.
i am so hot.
i walk to the fridge, there is no beer. i walk to the bedroom, you are not there. you are nowhere. so i sit and daydream of the day where you will walk in the front door, cold six pack in hand, smile, strip down to your underwear, sit, and sweat with me.

scar

[skahr]
-noun
1. a mark left by a healed wound, sore, or burn.
2. a lasting aftereffect of trouble, esp. a lasting psychological injury resulting from suffering or trauma.
3. any blemish remaining as a trace of or resulting from injury or use.
4. botany. a mark indicating a former point of attachment, as where a leaf has fallen from a stem.

i cant write no poem right
now
all i see is a blur
and a
light
shooting form the screen in front
and i dont even know what to
say
but i know i have to say
something
but thi sisnt gonna rhyme
and it sure
aint gononna
make no sense
but i know
i gotta do it
just to know
i tried?????

ugh

i don't quite know
how to say
how i feel
those three words
are said too much
they're not enough
if i lay here
if i just lay here
would you lie with me
and just forget the world?


snowpatrol.

hot water

i get up & sit in
the empty bathtub
the dry white acrylic feels cold &
hard on my bones
the pressure points
tailbone spine elbows
the heels of my feet
all in contact

i turn on the tap &
as i do i think of
you
your body
as the hot water
creeps down the borders towards me

it's sparks of heat
slowly outlining the
frame of my bare legs
i feel it
filling in the empty spaces
i'm surrounded
it's hot
& soon i bend my knees
& sink down
into you
until i am completely
submerged
all goes quiet
all goes still

it is the best comfort i know

the only thing i could do was fall.

i really wasn't breathing easy.

i actually felt pain,

physical

pain,

in my chest.

and i sat there

with my head down on my desk,

and the second i closed my eyes i saw it all.

all of it;

the room, the sheets, the books, the empty cups,

the ashtrays.

the rays of light,

coming in on a slant through the window

exposing the dust in the air,

exposing me.

my chest wont stop pounding,

i've been walking around all night

with shaking feet.

i've never been this lost,

i've never fallen this far,

for you my skin is see-through.

haha, yep.

feelin' the burn...

... it's been a while.

i dont have to update my blog anymore cause now... well now i just talk to you instead.

i

can't express how i feel either.

and i cry...

i feel like there is this mountain and it is sitting right in front of me and no matter where i turn it seems to follow my horizon and the mountain is fucking huge i'm talking millions of kilometers high and wide and it has been in front of me as long as i can remember but i have never thought of climbing it before and it's like now i think of climbing the damn thing to see what's on the other side and the second i decide to clamber myself up this mound of rock and dirt it's like it knows me and what i am thinking so it starts to shake and shake until i fall and it never lets me climb past two feet and all i want to fucking do is see what's on the other side of this godforsaken mountain and i could swear i see a speck of something at the very very very top and it looks like someone sitting there waiting and it kinda looks like you is it you?

how did you get there?