"

i taste the blood on my tongue
from biting it for far too long
the taste of iron
is becoming
unpleasant
& any day now
it'll all come out
and you are gonna taste it too
in your face
in your veins
and i hope
it hurts
you
are
scum

that secret that you know

if i was a super hero there would be
no such thing as loss
& with a flick of my finger
no one lonely
including me

the night sky seems to roll in
over me
faster & faster each day
forcing me to dream
although i cant...
because of the ever flowing stream of thoughts floating in and out of my brain like why cant everyone just get along and why is there always drama centered around my life when is it going to stop. i need warmth cause i'm shivering. i need new life. when i was fourteen i used to dream of being older because i felt like i was this older person, stuck in a young persons body. i remember thinking how much better things will be once i'm older i'll be doing older people things and have older people friends that make older people decisions and i'll be making older people decisions. boy was i fucking wrong. please take me back rewind the tape back up the truck reverse the clock however you want to put it being older fucking sucks. i was so fortunate back then being the older person in the young persons body i had such an advantage no one else did except now i am still there, where i was, nothings changed. i am only fooling myself i am struggling and cannot admit that to myself. please let this be the last leg of the race there's only so much my heart can take and i swear to god if i mess up one more time i'll never trust myself. that's alot of 'myselfs'. me me me me me. i am not a super hero if i was a super hero there would be no such thing as this this shit and

and i said i know it well

today when i was driving i noticed an ambulance with it's lights flashing sitting outside of an old aged home and i knew someone was dead inside and it made me feel weird.

misguided ghosts

i've always been that hopeless
[hopeful?]
romantic
i believe in love
& i love so easily
& i love that i love so easily
[scratch that, i'm torn]
i thought i found it
i thought i could see
but all it was
was a destroyer of myself
i let it strip me for all that i am
i gave it control
in the worst possible way
and now
i resemble
a machine that's been on standby


it's out of character,
i know,
but i am scared of the future
what if i am searching
for the self i thought i lost
and never find it again?


i'm on the side of the road
i'm kicking pebbles with my toe
i'm looking up at the sky
i need to get off standby
grab your jumper cables
i need a boost

:]

i hope this is for real

i hope this lasts

electric

i want to be
a blank canvas


with the paintbrush
in your hand


i want to feel
out of control


of what i will
become


i want to feel
the paint sink in


sink your paint
into me




i've been sitting like a hunchback for too long.

i want

money
film
new shoes
a haircut
new tattoo
success
happiness
you

:[

fall fell fast,
i'm shivering.
wind blowing strong,
i'm floating.
up and upside down,
circling the trees,
as they lose their leaves.
breaking branches;
my body is.

i'm just sitting on the shelf.

i wake
& your face
is my sunrise;
shining out
from the horizon that is
our pillow.

she&him

i am feeling under the weather
cause the weather is under
me.

here comes the winter
and another chapter
of cold thoughts and cold limbs
lets hope someone will keep me warm.

wow

i havent used this in years...
i feel like i have time to get back into it and that excites me cause i've always loved it.

:)

it's my birthday,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
nineteen bitches.

yeah i'm working, on weekends, i need to get paid.

lomos

god is nowhere; god is now here.
god is nowhere; god is now here.

carlys bday

so today was carlys first birthday party!
it was so awesome.
look at the PICTURES, i demand you.

xo,
nicole.


oh, and if babys arent your "thing", here's some what the funk pictures.

hey guys;


so i'm pretty much really sorry i haven't emailed any of you!! [you know who you are.]
i have literally no time for the computer these days.
this is the extent to what my computer times gets to.
just thought i'd say i still love and miss you all, drop me a line and i'll try to get you back!
can't wait to see you guys over christmas.

xo,
nicole.

who needs a computer when you got a typewriter?

stuff

busy, busy, bee!

there's always something in my eye but i can handle it. there's always something in my mind and i can take it. there's always something in my heart and i can feel it. there's always something there, keeping me, from falling apart. keeping me, feeling alive. whether it hurts or not i thank it everyday. thank it for not letting me forget; that i am living, breathing, changing, making change. the world turns and i turn along with it. the moon follows the sun, or, the sun follows the moon; whichever way you think about it, they are still turning. turning the pages of the calendar where we keep track of our days. when a calendar expires you can just buy a new one. but you cannot buy a new day, a new week, a new month, a new year. take them and feel them for what they are. feel the pain, but don't forget the pleasure.


ps; i did promo shots for Tami Neilson, and here they ARE!
let me know what you think,
xo.

pb&j

everyday

when i go outside i am freezing
when i go inside i am freezing
this happens everyday

because my head is like an open sky
a cold open sky
that keeps me chilled

and when i look up
i do a double take
i never see what i want to see
i never hear what i want to hear

so i double take
and i double take again
i guess that would equal a triple take

but whatever you want to call it
in the end it does not matter

because the vision my eyes give me
equals a blurry type of scene
and i cannot seem to focalize
what it is that would set me free

oh, and this happens everyday
although i cannot tell what day it is

there is no difference between daytime and nighttime
because all there is is gray
i call it graytime

it is fall
it is autumn
like this like that

and this sky is spinning
dropping leaves to the ground
leaving me dizzy

leaving me covered
but leaving me cold...


edit: