misguided ghosts

i've always been that hopeless
[hopeful?]
romantic
i believe in love
& i love so easily
& i love that i love so easily
[scratch that, i'm torn]
i thought i found it
i thought i could see
but all it was
was a destroyer of myself
i let it strip me for all that i am
i gave it control
in the worst possible way
and now
i resemble
a machine that's been on standby


it's out of character,
i know,
but i am scared of the future
what if i am searching
for the self i thought i lost
and never find it again?


i'm on the side of the road
i'm kicking pebbles with my toe
i'm looking up at the sky
i need to get off standby
grab your jumper cables
i need a boost