not our summer

we were always the dreamers that don't sleep. real dreamers. and once again here i am, sleep, cursing  your name as my eyelids twitch but don't close for good. it's a crazy feeling when you think you have to cry and you force that feeling up into your throat but it never comes. i squint my eyes in anticipation... i shudder at the thought of how tired i'll be tomorrow. i wonder how i got to this point. sitting in the chair i've pushed forward to so many others but have never sat myself. i don't feel shame i feel unfamiliar. my neck is twisting 360's trying to get a hold of my surroundings that just hurt me. i'm not even sad i'm just...










that.
i just don't need to cry.