is it gonna be like, staring at a black screen?

death is a very real thing
i am old enough to know that by now
but every time it creeps itself
closer to my heart
i get stuck
it's like i am standing there
everyone & everything around me
is spinning
& moving
but i am not
and my throat clenches and i get scared
seriously scared of not being
anymore
& i wonder what people think
when they know they are at that point
that at any second
they will breathe their last breath
& the world will go on
it's just too easy to say
''death doesn't scare me!''
i am not that strong

they show in the movies
an old soul
breathing slowly & painfully
& they say
''i have lived so long that i am now ready, to die.''
it makes me shudder
i don't think i will ever be able to say that
i hate that it scares me
the nothingness