you

maybe i dont wanna know

stare into my wall

i'm so beyond tired that i feel sick and this is currently hurting my whole body, including my heart.

a couple days ago was one of the worst days ever. at least on the top five list. and it just kept getting worse. now your prolly thinking that i'm going to expand about how my hair didnt sit right or maybe i broke a nail. but no. in fact, i'm not going to expand at all. forget i even said that.

sometimes i feel like i need to explode. or implode. whatever comes to mind first. mostly exploding because i can feel the pressure inside my body slowly expanding and making me feel like my eyes are going to pop out if i dont just let go.

when i lie down and look up i can sometimes see things float across my eye and when i try to follow it it just goes downward until i cant see it and i have to wait for it to make its way back up again. they remind me of jellyfish or something oceanlike. i then wonder if its because i have contacts and if i'm the only one that does this. i just recently read that kurt cobain did the same thing, did he wear contacts?

i find myself wondering that a whole lot. [if anyone else feels what i feel or does what i do] i've come to the conclusion that i have some kind of need for reassurance that i'm some what normal. but i'd rather just have a little thought in the back of my mind that i'm totally not. that is much more fun.

i stink at school and i need the weekend.

ps; i've decided to stop because its exactly midnight and i think it'd be cool to post at exactly midnite. goodnight.